CHAPTERIII
MEANWHILEthedesiretoexpressmyselfgrew.ThefewsignsIusedbecamelessandlessadequate,andmyfailurestomakemyselfunderstoodwereinvariablyfollowedbyoutburstsofpassion.Ifeltasifinvisiblehandswereholdingme,andImadefranticeffortstofreemyself.Istruggled–notthatstrugglinghelpedmatters,butthespiritofresistancewasstrongwithinme;Igenerallybrokedownintearsandphysicalexhaustion.IfmymotherhappenedtobenearIcreptintoherarms,toomiserableeventorememberthecauseofthetempest.Afterawhiletheneedofsomemeansofcommunicationbecamesourgentthattheseoutburstsoccurreddaily,sometimeshourly.
Myparentsweredeeplygrievedandperplexed.Welivedalongwayfromanyschoolfortheblindorthedeaf,anditseemedunlikelythatanyonewouldcometosuchanout-of-the-wayplaceasTuscumbiatoteachachildwhowasbothdeafandblind.Indeed,myfriendsandrelativessometimesdoubtedwhetherIcouldbetaught.Mymother'sonlyrayofhopecamefromDickens's"AmericanNotes."ShehadreadhisaccountofLauraBridgman,andrememberedvaguelythatshewasdeafandblind,yethadbeeneducated.ButshealsorememberedwithahopelesspangthatDr.Howe,whohaddiscoveredthewaytoteachthedeafandblind,hadbeendeadmanyyears.Hismethodshadprobablydiedwithhim;andiftheyhadnot,howwasalittlegirlinafar-offtowninAlabamatoreceivethebenefitofthem?
WhenIwasaboutsixyearsold,myfatherheardofaneminentoculistinBaltimore,whohadbeensuccessfulinmanycasesthathadseemedhopeless.MyparentsatoncedeterminedtotakemetoBaltimoretoseeifanythingcouldbedoneformyeyes.
Thejourney,whichIrememberwell,wasverypleasant.Imadefriendswithmanypeopleonthetrain.Oneladygavemeaboxofshells.MyfathermadeholesinthesesothatIcouldstringthem,andforalongtimetheykeptmehappyandcontented.Theconductor,too,waskind.OftenwhenhewenthisroundsIclungtohiscoattailswhilehecollectedandpunchedthetickets.Hispunch,withwhichheletmeplay,wasadelightfultoy.CurledupinacorneroftheseatIamusedmyselfforhoursmakingfunnylittleholesinbitsofcardboard.
Myauntmademeabigdolloutoftowels.Itwasthemostcomical,shapelessthing,thisimproviseddoll,withnonose,mouth,earsoreyes–nothingthateventheimaginationofachildcouldconvertintoaface.Curiouslyenough,theabsenceofeyesstruckmemorethanalltheotherdefectsputtogether.Ipointedthisouttoeverybodywithprovokingpersistency,butnooneseemedequaltothetaskofprovidingthedollwitheyes.Abrightidea,however,shotintomymind,andtheproblemwassolved.ItumbledofftheseatandsearchedunderituntilIfoundmyaunt'scape,whichwastrimmedwithlargebeads.IpulledtwobeadsoffandindicatedtoherthatIwantedhertosewthemondoll.Sheraisedmyhandtohereyesinaquestioningway,andInoddedenergetically.ThebeadsweresewedintherightplaceandIcouldnotcontainmyselfforjoy;butimmediatelyIlostallinterestinthedoll.DuringthewholetripIdidnothaveonefitoftemper,thereweresomanythingstokeepmymindandfingersbusy.
WhenwearrivedinBaltimore,Dr.Chisholmreceiveduskindly:buthecoulddonothing.Hesaid,however,thatIcouldbeeducated,andadvisedmyfathertoconsultDr.AlexanderGrahamBell,ofWashington,whowouldbeabletogivehiminformationaboutschoolsandteachersofdeaforblindchildren.Actingonthedoctor'sadvice,wewentimmediatelytoWashingtontoseeDr.Bell,myfatherwithasadheartandmanymisgivings,Iwhollyunconsciousofhisanguish,findingpleasureintheexcitementofmovingfromplacetoplace.ChildasIwas,IatoncefeltthetendernessandsympathywhichendearedDr.Belltosomanyhearts,ashiswonderfulachievementsenlisttheiradmiration.HeheldmeonhiskneewhileIexaminedhiswatch,andhemadeitstrikeforme.Heunderstoodmysigns,andIknewitandlovedhimatonce.ButIdidnotdreamthatthatinterviewwouldbethedoorthroughwhichIshouldpassfromdarknessintolight,fromisolationtofriendship,companionship,knowledge,love.
Dr.BelladvisedmyfathertowritetoMr.Anagnos,directorofthePerkinsInstitutioninBoston,thesceneofDr.Howe'sgreatlaboursfortheblind,andaskhimifhehadateachercompetenttobeginmyeducation.Thismyfatherdidatonce,andinafewweekstherecameakindletterfromMr.Anagnoswiththecomfortingassurancethatateacherhadbeenfound.Thiswasinthesummerof1886.ButMissSullivandidnotarriveuntilthefollowingMarch.
ThusIcameupoutofEgyptandstoodbeforeSinai,andapowerdivinetouchedmyspiritandgaveitsight,sothatIbeheldmanywonders.AndfromthesacredmountainIheardavoicewhichsaid,"Knowledgeisloveandlightandvision."
CHAPTERIV
THEmostimportantdayIrememberinallmylifeistheoneonwhichmyteacher,AnneMansfieldSullivan,cametome.IamfilledwithwonderwhenIconsidertheimmeasurablecontrastsbetweenthetwoliveswhichitconnects.ItwasthethirdofMarch,1887,threemonthsbeforeIwassevenyearsold.
Ontheafternoonofthateventfulday,Istoodontheporch,dumb,expectant.Iguessedvaguelyfrommymother'ssignsandfromthehurryingtoandfrointhehousethatsomethingunusualwasabouttohappen,soIwenttothedoorandwaitedonthesteps.Theafternoonsunpenetratedthemassofhoneysucklethatcoveredtheporch,andfellonmyupturnedface.Myfingerslingeredalmostunconsciouslyonthefamiliarleavesandblossomswhichhadjustcomeforthtogreetthesweetsouthernspring.Ididnotknowwhatthefutureheldofmarvelorsurpriseforme.Angerandbitternesshadpreyeduponmecontinuallyforweeksandadeeplanguorhadsucceededthispassionatestruggle.
Haveyoueverbeenatseainadensefog,whenitseemedasifatangiblewhitedarknessshutyouin,andthegreatship,tenseandanxious,gropedherwaytowardtheshorewithplummetandsounding-line,andyouwaitedwithbeatingheartforsomethingtohappen?Iwaslikethatshipbeforemyeducationbegan,onlyIwaswithoutcompassorsounding-line,andhadnowayofknowinghowneartheharbourwas."Light!givemelight!"wasthewordlesscryofmysoul,andthelightofloveshoneonmeinthatveryhour.
Ifeltapproachingfootsteps.IstretchedoutmyhandasIsupposedtomymother.Someonetookit,andIwascaughtupandheldcloseinthearmsofherwhohadcometorevealallthingstome,and,morethanallthingselse,toloveme.
Themorningaftermyteachercamesheledmeintoherroomandgavemeadoll.ThelittleblindchildrenatthePerkinsInstitutionhadsentitandLauraBridgmanhaddressedit;butIdidnotknowthisuntilafterward.WhenIhadplayedwithitalittlewhile,MissSullivanslowlyspelledintomyhandtheword"d-o-l-l."Iwasatonceinterestedinthisfingerplayandtriedtoimitateit.WhenIfinallysucceededinmakingtheletterscorrectlyIwasflushedwithchildishpleasureandpride.RunningdownstairstomymotherIheldupmyhandandmadethelettersfordoll.IdidnotknowthatIwasspellingawordoreventhatwordsexisted;Iwassimplymakingmyfingersgoinmonkey-likeimitation.InthedaysthatfollowedIlearnedtospellinthisuncomprehendingwayagreatmanywords,amongthempin,hat,cupandafewverbslikesit,standandwalk.ButmyteacherhadbeenwithmeseveralweeksbeforeIunderstoodthateverythinghasaname.
Oneday,whileIwasplayingwithmynewdoll,MissSullivanputmybigragdollintomylapalso,spelled"d-o-l-l"andtriedtomakemeunderstandthat"d-o-l-l"appliedtoboth.Earlierinthedaywehadhadatussleoverthewords"m-u-g"and"w-a-t-e-r."MissSullivanhadtriedtoimpressituponmethat"m-u-g"ismugandthat"w-a-t-e-r"iswater,butIpersistedinconfoundingthetwo.Indespairshehaddroppedthesubjectforthetime,onlytorenewitatthefirstopportunity.Ibecameimpatientatherrepeatedattemptsand,seizingthenewdoll,Idashedituponthefloor.IwaskeenlydelightedwhenIfeltthefragmentsofthebrokendollatmyfeet.Neithersorrownorregretfollowedmypassionateoutburst.Ihadnotlovedthedoll.Inthestill,darkworldinwhichIlivedtherewasnostrongsentimentoftenderness.Ifeltmyteachersweepthefragmentstoonesideofthehearth,andIhadasenseofsatisfactionthatthecauseofmydiscomfortwasremoved.Shebroughtmemyhat,andIknewIwasgoingoutintothewarmsunshine.Thisthought,ifawordlesssensationmaybecalledathought,mademehopandskipwithpleasure.
Wewalkeddownthepathtothewell-house,attractedbythefragranceofthehoneysucklewithwhichitwascovered.Someonewasdrawingwaterandmyteacherplacedmyhandunderthespout.Asthecoolstreamgushedoveronehandshespelledintotheotherthewordwater,firstslowly,thenrapidly.Istoodstill,mywholeattentionfixeduponthemotionsofherfingers.SuddenlyIfeltamistyconsciousnessasofsomethingforgotten–athrillofreturningthought;andsomehowthemysteryoflanguagewasrevealedtome.Iknewthenthat"w-a-t-e-r"meantthewonderfulcoolsomethingthatwasflowingovermyhand.Thatlivingwordawakenedmysoul,gaveitlight,hope,joy,setitfree!Therewerebarriersstill,itistrue,butbarriersthatcouldintimebesweptaway.
Ileftthewell-houseeagertolearn.Everythinghadaname,andeachnamegavebirthtoanewthought.AswereturnedtothehouseeveryobjectwhichItouchedseemedtoquiverwithlife.ThatwasbecauseIsaweverythingwiththestrange,newsightthathadcometome.OnenteringthedoorIrememberedthedollIhadbroken.Ifeltmywaytothehearthandpickedupthepieces.Itriedvainlytoputthemtogether.Thenmyeyesfilledwithtears;forIrealizedwhatIhaddone,andforthefirsttimeIfeltrepentanceandsorrow.
Ilearnedagreatmanynewwordsthatday.Idonotrememberwhattheyallwere;butIdoknowthatmother,father,sister,teacherwereamongthem–wordsthatweretomaketheworldblossomforme,"likeAaron'srod,withflowers."ItwouldhavebeendifficulttofindahappierchildthanIwasasIlayinmycribatthecloseoftheeventfuldayandlivedoverthejoysithadbroughtme,andforthefirsttimelongedforanewdaytocome.
MEANWHILEthedesiretoexpressmyselfgrew.ThefewsignsIusedbecamelessandlessadequate,andmyfailurestomakemyselfunderstoodwereinvariablyfollowedbyoutburstsofpassion.Ifeltasifinvisiblehandswereholdingme,andImadefranticeffortstofreemyself.Istruggled–notthatstrugglinghelpedmatters,butthespiritofresistancewasstrongwithinme;Igenerallybrokedownintearsandphysicalexhaustion.IfmymotherhappenedtobenearIcreptintoherarms,toomiserableeventorememberthecauseofthetempest.Afterawhiletheneedofsomemeansofcommunicationbecamesourgentthattheseoutburstsoccurreddaily,sometimeshourly.
Myparentsweredeeplygrievedandperplexed.Welivedalongwayfromanyschoolfortheblindorthedeaf,anditseemedunlikelythatanyonewouldcometosuchanout-of-the-wayplaceasTuscumbiatoteachachildwhowasbothdeafandblind.Indeed,myfriendsandrelativessometimesdoubtedwhetherIcouldbetaught.Mymother'sonlyrayofhopecamefromDickens's"AmericanNotes."ShehadreadhisaccountofLauraBridgman,andrememberedvaguelythatshewasdeafandblind,yethadbeeneducated.ButshealsorememberedwithahopelesspangthatDr.Howe,whohaddiscoveredthewaytoteachthedeafandblind,hadbeendeadmanyyears.Hismethodshadprobablydiedwithhim;andiftheyhadnot,howwasalittlegirlinafar-offtowninAlabamatoreceivethebenefitofthem?
WhenIwasaboutsixyearsold,myfatherheardofaneminentoculistinBaltimore,whohadbeensuccessfulinmanycasesthathadseemedhopeless.MyparentsatoncedeterminedtotakemetoBaltimoretoseeifanythingcouldbedoneformyeyes.
Thejourney,whichIrememberwell,wasverypleasant.Imadefriendswithmanypeopleonthetrain.Oneladygavemeaboxofshells.MyfathermadeholesinthesesothatIcouldstringthem,andforalongtimetheykeptmehappyandcontented.Theconductor,too,waskind.OftenwhenhewenthisroundsIclungtohiscoattailswhilehecollectedandpunchedthetickets.Hispunch,withwhichheletmeplay,wasadelightfultoy.CurledupinacorneroftheseatIamusedmyselfforhoursmakingfunnylittleholesinbitsofcardboard.
Myauntmademeabigdolloutoftowels.Itwasthemostcomical,shapelessthing,thisimproviseddoll,withnonose,mouth,earsoreyes–nothingthateventheimaginationofachildcouldconvertintoaface.Curiouslyenough,theabsenceofeyesstruckmemorethanalltheotherdefectsputtogether.Ipointedthisouttoeverybodywithprovokingpersistency,butnooneseemedequaltothetaskofprovidingthedollwitheyes.Abrightidea,however,shotintomymind,andtheproblemwassolved.ItumbledofftheseatandsearchedunderituntilIfoundmyaunt'scape,whichwastrimmedwithlargebeads.IpulledtwobeadsoffandindicatedtoherthatIwantedhertosewthemondoll.Sheraisedmyhandtohereyesinaquestioningway,andInoddedenergetically.ThebeadsweresewedintherightplaceandIcouldnotcontainmyselfforjoy;butimmediatelyIlostallinterestinthedoll.DuringthewholetripIdidnothaveonefitoftemper,thereweresomanythingstokeepmymindandfingersbusy.
WhenwearrivedinBaltimore,Dr.Chisholmreceiveduskindly:buthecoulddonothing.Hesaid,however,thatIcouldbeeducated,andadvisedmyfathertoconsultDr.AlexanderGrahamBell,ofWashington,whowouldbeabletogivehiminformationaboutschoolsandteachersofdeaforblindchildren.Actingonthedoctor'sadvice,wewentimmediatelytoWashingtontoseeDr.Bell,myfatherwithasadheartandmanymisgivings,Iwhollyunconsciousofhisanguish,findingpleasureintheexcitementofmovingfromplacetoplace.ChildasIwas,IatoncefeltthetendernessandsympathywhichendearedDr.Belltosomanyhearts,ashiswonderfulachievementsenlisttheiradmiration.HeheldmeonhiskneewhileIexaminedhiswatch,andhemadeitstrikeforme.Heunderstoodmysigns,andIknewitandlovedhimatonce.ButIdidnotdreamthatthatinterviewwouldbethedoorthroughwhichIshouldpassfromdarknessintolight,fromisolationtofriendship,companionship,knowledge,love.
Dr.BelladvisedmyfathertowritetoMr.Anagnos,directorofthePerkinsInstitutioninBoston,thesceneofDr.Howe'sgreatlaboursfortheblind,andaskhimifhehadateachercompetenttobeginmyeducation.Thismyfatherdidatonce,andinafewweekstherecameakindletterfromMr.Anagnoswiththecomfortingassurancethatateacherhadbeenfound.Thiswasinthesummerof1886.ButMissSullivandidnotarriveuntilthefollowingMarch.
ThusIcameupoutofEgyptandstoodbeforeSinai,andapowerdivinetouchedmyspiritandgaveitsight,sothatIbeheldmanywonders.AndfromthesacredmountainIheardavoicewhichsaid,"Knowledgeisloveandlightandvision."
CHAPTERIV
THEmostimportantdayIrememberinallmylifeistheoneonwhichmyteacher,AnneMansfieldSullivan,cametome.IamfilledwithwonderwhenIconsidertheimmeasurablecontrastsbetweenthetwoliveswhichitconnects.ItwasthethirdofMarch,1887,threemonthsbeforeIwassevenyearsold.
Ontheafternoonofthateventfulday,Istoodontheporch,dumb,expectant.Iguessedvaguelyfrommymother'ssignsandfromthehurryingtoandfrointhehousethatsomethingunusualwasabouttohappen,soIwenttothedoorandwaitedonthesteps.Theafternoonsunpenetratedthemassofhoneysucklethatcoveredtheporch,andfellonmyupturnedface.Myfingerslingeredalmostunconsciouslyonthefamiliarleavesandblossomswhichhadjustcomeforthtogreetthesweetsouthernspring.Ididnotknowwhatthefutureheldofmarvelorsurpriseforme.Angerandbitternesshadpreyeduponmecontinuallyforweeksandadeeplanguorhadsucceededthispassionatestruggle.
Haveyoueverbeenatseainadensefog,whenitseemedasifatangiblewhitedarknessshutyouin,andthegreatship,tenseandanxious,gropedherwaytowardtheshorewithplummetandsounding-line,andyouwaitedwithbeatingheartforsomethingtohappen?Iwaslikethatshipbeforemyeducationbegan,onlyIwaswithoutcompassorsounding-line,andhadnowayofknowinghowneartheharbourwas."Light!givemelight!"wasthewordlesscryofmysoul,andthelightofloveshoneonmeinthatveryhour.
Ifeltapproachingfootsteps.IstretchedoutmyhandasIsupposedtomymother.Someonetookit,andIwascaughtupandheldcloseinthearmsofherwhohadcometorevealallthingstome,and,morethanallthingselse,toloveme.
Themorningaftermyteachercamesheledmeintoherroomandgavemeadoll.ThelittleblindchildrenatthePerkinsInstitutionhadsentitandLauraBridgmanhaddressedit;butIdidnotknowthisuntilafterward.WhenIhadplayedwithitalittlewhile,MissSullivanslowlyspelledintomyhandtheword"d-o-l-l."Iwasatonceinterestedinthisfingerplayandtriedtoimitateit.WhenIfinallysucceededinmakingtheletterscorrectlyIwasflushedwithchildishpleasureandpride.RunningdownstairstomymotherIheldupmyhandandmadethelettersfordoll.IdidnotknowthatIwasspellingawordoreventhatwordsexisted;Iwassimplymakingmyfingersgoinmonkey-likeimitation.InthedaysthatfollowedIlearnedtospellinthisuncomprehendingwayagreatmanywords,amongthempin,hat,cupandafewverbslikesit,standandwalk.ButmyteacherhadbeenwithmeseveralweeksbeforeIunderstoodthateverythinghasaname.
Oneday,whileIwasplayingwithmynewdoll,MissSullivanputmybigragdollintomylapalso,spelled"d-o-l-l"andtriedtomakemeunderstandthat"d-o-l-l"appliedtoboth.Earlierinthedaywehadhadatussleoverthewords"m-u-g"and"w-a-t-e-r."MissSullivanhadtriedtoimpressituponmethat"m-u-g"ismugandthat"w-a-t-e-r"iswater,butIpersistedinconfoundingthetwo.Indespairshehaddroppedthesubjectforthetime,onlytorenewitatthefirstopportunity.Ibecameimpatientatherrepeatedattemptsand,seizingthenewdoll,Idashedituponthefloor.IwaskeenlydelightedwhenIfeltthefragmentsofthebrokendollatmyfeet.Neithersorrownorregretfollowedmypassionateoutburst.Ihadnotlovedthedoll.Inthestill,darkworldinwhichIlivedtherewasnostrongsentimentoftenderness.Ifeltmyteachersweepthefragmentstoonesideofthehearth,andIhadasenseofsatisfactionthatthecauseofmydiscomfortwasremoved.Shebroughtmemyhat,andIknewIwasgoingoutintothewarmsunshine.Thisthought,ifawordlesssensationmaybecalledathought,mademehopandskipwithpleasure.
Wewalkeddownthepathtothewell-house,attractedbythefragranceofthehoneysucklewithwhichitwascovered.Someonewasdrawingwaterandmyteacherplacedmyhandunderthespout.Asthecoolstreamgushedoveronehandshespelledintotheotherthewordwater,firstslowly,thenrapidly.Istoodstill,mywholeattentionfixeduponthemotionsofherfingers.SuddenlyIfeltamistyconsciousnessasofsomethingforgotten–athrillofreturningthought;andsomehowthemysteryoflanguagewasrevealedtome.Iknewthenthat"w-a-t-e-r"meantthewonderfulcoolsomethingthatwasflowingovermyhand.Thatlivingwordawakenedmysoul,gaveitlight,hope,joy,setitfree!Therewerebarriersstill,itistrue,butbarriersthatcouldintimebesweptaway.
Ileftthewell-houseeagertolearn.Everythinghadaname,andeachnamegavebirthtoanewthought.AswereturnedtothehouseeveryobjectwhichItouchedseemedtoquiverwithlife.ThatwasbecauseIsaweverythingwiththestrange,newsightthathadcometome.OnenteringthedoorIrememberedthedollIhadbroken.Ifeltmywaytothehearthandpickedupthepieces.Itriedvainlytoputthemtogether.Thenmyeyesfilledwithtears;forIrealizedwhatIhaddone,andforthefirsttimeIfeltrepentanceandsorrow.
Ilearnedagreatmanynewwordsthatday.Idonotrememberwhattheyallwere;butIdoknowthatmother,father,sister,teacherwereamongthem–wordsthatweretomaketheworldblossomforme,"likeAaron'srod,withflowers."ItwouldhavebeendifficulttofindahappierchildthanIwasasIlayinmycribatthecloseoftheeventfuldayandlivedoverthejoysithadbroughtme,andforthefirsttimelongedforanewdaytocome.
背景色
